Now that fall is upon us, it sometimes brings with it the evolution of routines.
For some, the routine has been upended by the natural course of their family’s evolution.
When we become parents, the thought of our child ever growing up and leaving home is so far away, we don’t really think about it.
But the whole time we are raising them, the purpose is to raise them to be self-sufficient, contributing members of the community that are capable of fending for themselves.
So why are we so sad and upset when they grow up and fly the coop?
It is my opinion, as a mother, that the trials and tribulations of child rearing is all in preparation for this. If we felt the way we did when our child was a five-year-old, we could never let them go.
But as nature would have it most of the time, our child becomes their own person and eventually does and says things we may or may not agree with.
Sometimes these new behaviour sand opinions become a bone of contention and there are clashes. We secretly can’t wait for them to “get it together” and give us back our life.
Then the day comes when they say, “I’m moving out” and our life as we have known it changes forever.
Our child has become that self-sufficient, contributing and capable member of society we have raised them to be and now we are profoundly sad about it. Now we find our home silent.
No more loud music coming from every corner, no messes or dishes waiting to be cleaned up, no friends calling at all hours of the day.
The things that annoyed us to no end will never be again and for some strange reason, we miss it more than words can say – some call this the Empty Nest Syndrome.
Now, not all parents have these feelings – some relish the new found freedom that comes when there is no one to be responsible for but themselves, but for others this is a grieving time. There may be fears and concerns, or feelings of not being needed anymore. As a parent, know that you will always be needed – the needs have changed is all.
You may fear a loss of “closeness.” The old adage “distance makes the heart grow fonder” really is true. If you are an empty-nester and are grieving the change in your life, know this too will pass.
Eventually, your parent/child relationship will redefine itself. It will be OK and remember, “Chickens come home to roost,” so leave a light on and the door open.
Your little birds will be just fine and so will you.
– Barbara Bleiler is a certified funeral celebrant and advertising rep for the Grand Forks Gazette