Oh, golden cake, confection of delight, You may have added inches to our girth Yet millions loved your sweetness at first bite, Your creamy filling doubling your worth
The health police, replete with misplaced fervour, Have wrongly deemed your lusciousness unhealthy How wrong that upscale urbanites would try To steal joy from the overweight unwealthy!
Now you are gone! No duteous mothers pack Soft spongy cakes with love in kids’ school lunches. They now give grim, glum, saddened children cheese, And carrots, celery, beans or grapes in bunches.
Around the world the health nuts think they’ve won, They gloat from San Francisco to Helsinki. Fools not to see our flab belies our will! We’ll yet prevail and resurrect the Twinkie!
– Jim Holtz is WEEKENDER columnist and former reporter for the Grand Forks Gazette.