The Big Game

Second Opinion by Grand Forks Gazette columnist Jim Holtz.

It is truly wonderful to observe the effect of the Big Game on the world around us. (I am not allowed to use the real name of the Big Game because the NFL would sue me, the editor, the paper, Black Press and all our descendents.)

People normally not interested in football pitch right in, making Buffalo wings, pizza and buying bags of various sorts of chips. Indeed, food is in part what makes the Game so Big.

It is one of only a few occasions when one is given permission to eat and drink whatever one wants, and then joke about it. It is sort of like the bloating that takes place at Thanksgiving, except that Thanksgiving dinners are actually healthy.

One cannot be neutral when it comes to the Big Game. One must choose one team over the other and then watch excitedly, screaming at every score, bellowing at every referee’s mistake.

My wife, normally completely under control, uttered noises whenever her Seahawks scored that seemed to be…well, primitive, sounds that had their beginnings I’m certain on the Serengeti many millennia ago. I think she might have used some very colourful language if we had not had guests at our house.

The other essential elements of watching the Big Game consist of various forms of victory dances. For minor successes on the field one can stand at one’s place at the couch and do some minor gyrations.

For scoring plays, one can take a few steps from side to side, strutting appropriately. One must be careful though to keep the celebrations under control, lest one offends the host of the Big Game party.

Above all, one must reserve the full blown, Michael Jackson moonwalk or strutting, crowing rooster imitation until final victory is assured. Those who strut too soon will find themselves alone for the next Big Game.

At this point, you may be thinking that being excluded from the silliness of the Big Game may not be a bad thing. You may be right, and anyway there is always skiing or English Premier League football to watch instead.

Better yet, just go outside for a couple of hours.